Tag: life

A CHANGE OF PERSPECTIVE

We did it! The Christmas decorations are up for another year! I am sitting with a cup of tea, a fire in the fireplace, enjoying the lights while a Christmas movie on television provides background noise. For so many, many years I have enjoyed decorating for Christmas. But as the years have passed it has become more of a chore. I’m old! I own it. And I have aches and pains. I am so blessed to be married to a man who loves Christmas as much as I do. I couldn’t (and wouldn’t) do it by myself. I remember an elderly aunt who put out a poinsettia and a fruitcake and called it good. The older I get, the more I understand that. But for this year we are still all in.

We had a plan. Remembering our aching backs and hips, we decided to do a little every day and then take a break. We started on Monday and by Saturday morning we were 98% done. Enough to sit and enjoy. Some people wonder why we decorate so early. It’s because it is so much work to get it all out, we want a long time to enjoy it. And Thanksgiving is late this year, so we don’t want to wait until the turkey is gone. You would have laughed if you could have seen us. We kept a big bottle of Aleve handy and began the task of untangling lights and fluffing the many garlands that go up our staircase and across the landing. And by the way, we have a very curious new puppy. “Stop it! Put that down! What’s in your mouth?”  Jerry and I have joked that he is going to think his name in No No!  We each would work for about half an hour, and then one of us would say, “I’ve got to sit down and take a break. Oh, my aching back!” 

About two days in, I was standing on a death-defying ladder, reaching for the top of our tree, and doing some internal grumbling. “Why are we doing all this work,” I thought. Truthfully, I know I mostly do it because I love it, but the kids have all moved. No one lives around the corner anymore. Even our youngest grand is now 15. They are all busy. They will come by a couple of times, but does that warrant decorating for high mass? As I was thinking these things, some Christmas music was playing, and it hit me! The King is coming! And He is worthy of my best efforts. I want my house to be sparkling, the silver polished, and the aroma of delicious food filling the house. That thought changed the way I worked. Oh, it was still physical, and I still got tired, but I enjoyed it! I want to do it to honor Him, and not for myself. 

Now that my house is ready, I want to spend time preparing my heart. Isn’t that what Advent is all about? I know the lights and the tree are only externals. What Jesus really wants is a ready heart, and I want that too. The decorations are merely an outward sign that we waiting to receive the King. And bonus, I get to enjoy them too. And now if you will excuse me, I just noticed that a strand of lights has gone out. 

YOU’RE GOING TO BE OKAY

This May is a month of graduations for us. Two down, and one to go. We have watched our granddaughter Ellie Grace graduate from the beautiful Belmont University with a degree in Motion Pictures. My uncle, Arthur Pierce, a lifelong filmmaker, would be so proud. Next was our Abby who graduated from the University of Central Oklahoma with her nursing degree. Next will be our high school senior, Emma, who will graduate from Owasso High School, and oh by the way, has just made cheerleader at OU! They all have bright futures. As I sat in these commencement ceremonies and watched all these bright-eyed youngsters, so eager to turn their tassels, I wanted to tell them all, “You’re going to be okay.”

When I was doing my internship for my doctorate in psychology, I spent one day a week in the career office at The University of Tulsa. Every week it was the same. Seniors would come in with that deer-in-the-headlight look of “I don’t know what I am going to do, and my parents are going to expect that I get a job, and I don’t even like my major! Maybe I’ll go to law school.” We had a battery of career testing we ran them through, but a large part of my job was just assuring them. “You’re going to be okay.”

They were afraid. Adulting was looming large. I am sure their parents, dreaming of moving them off the payroll, had been trying to have The Talk. I learned with my own grands, don’t ask what they plan to do after college. There could be tears.  Many of these reluctant grads were under the mistaken belief that the job they would get right after graduation would be a life sentence.  I got to tell them that would not be the case for most of them. Big sighs of relief! Gone are the days of forty years and a gold watch. Most people change careers (not jobs) three time during their lives. 

The good news for these college grads is that they have a degree, and no one can take that away from them. I remember thinking that at my own graduation, although I occasionally still have nightmares about getting a notice from TU that a mistake was made, and I need to come back and take more classes. 

To all you grads, I want to say well done! Congratulations to you and your parents. You now have a ticket to live out your dreams. Take a few days off and celebrate. And please, don’t ever stop learning.

Embracing Ordinary Days: A Journey of Gratitude

If you have ever gone through a period of time when your life was in chaos, when nothing seemed to be right, you will understand what I am about to say: I am thankful for ordinary days. This thought has been rattling around in my brain for a few weeks now and struck me again this morning: I am thankful for ordinary days.

I was out walking my dogs on this beautiful October morning when the thought struck me again. We are blessed to live in a relatively quiet, relatively ordinary neighborhood, with a walking trail around a small pond. This morning, those who had to be at work or school had already left. The only people out were other dog walkers and fitness walkers. It was quiet and peaceful. There were no air raid sirens warning me of incoming rockets. I didn’t have to pick my way through the rubble of bombed out buildings. I didn’t have to slosh through streams of mud trying to find the remains of my house, my life. I thought of my sister Tammy and her husband Frank who are driving north through Florida evacuation traffic, trying to get their newly purchased RV out of the path of the next hurricane. Yes, ordinary is good.

It’s not that my life is boring. We just got back from a few days in Colorado to visit our granddaughter. We got to enjoy the majesty of the Rocky Mountains, trying to absorb the breathtaking show the Aspens are presenting. “Oh, look at that one! Look over there! So beautiful!” Such beautiful golds and yellows against the backdrop of evergreens. Even the fallen leaves looked like piles of gold coins. 

I came home to piles of laundry and I am grateful. Grateful for an abundance of clothes, for clean, running water and electricity. Ordinary…until you don’t have them. As I consider these ordinary blessings, I consider my counterparts, here in America and around the world, women who would gladly trade problems. I pray for them, that God will meet their needs, physical and spiritual. And I again thank Jesus for this beautiful ordinary day.

THE BUMPY ROAD

I recently discovered a beautiful magazine, Bella Grace. It is full of lovely images and inspiration for those of us who journal. In the current issue there is an article that inspired me: “33 Reasons Why the Bumpy Road is Always Better.” That title resonated with me because I took the bumpy road in life when I went to college at age 47.  That was some bumpy road! Things had changed a lot!  And the bumps got bigger when I went to graduate school.  There were days moments when I was looking for an on ramp to get back on the freeway. Maybe I should just drop out and go to lunch with my girlfriends! But I kept putting one foot in front of the other, and I got to the end of that particular bumpy road. I was the oldest graduate! So old that one of our local television stations sent out a news crew. “Old woman earns doctorate.”

Robert Frost describes our life choices beautifully in his narrative poem, “The Road Not Taken.” I have always seen myself in that poem. One thing I have learned over the years is that there are many different ways to live a life. Taking the bumpy road requires courage. I think of my granddaughter, Hannah who left behind everything familiar and moved to Colorado on her own because she wanted to live close to the mountains. She is flourishing! I always wanted to live close to the mountains too, but would never have had the courage to make a move like that in my twenties.

Using the article as a journaling prompt, I began a list in a small journal I am keeping.  Here are a few of my reasons; see if you can add some more.

Reasons Why the Bumpy Road is Always Better

  • It helps you find your true north and gets you to the place you were always meant to be.
  • The bumpy road is more interesting than the super highway.
  • Fast is not always better. There are lessons to be learned along the way, and learning takes time.
  • Even detours are a part of the plan.
  • You meet the most interesting people.
  • There are always hidden gifts to discover.
  • Bumpy roads develop trust muscles. I learned to trust God, others and myself.
  • Those bumps caused me to lean in closer to God and deepen my relationship with Him.
  • I learned I could do hard things and achieve my goals, even when they seem impossibly high.
  • Looking back, I can see that I created some of those bumps myself.  Choices have consequences. Once I figured out that God had a plan for me, and then got onboard with it, that bumpy road didn’t seem so impassable.
  • I hope I have carved out some hard-won ruts and left a trail for those coming behind me.

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

A DISAPPOINTING SEASON

This should be an exciting weekend for Sooner football fans, but it’s not.  The Big 12 Championship is Saturday, but OU is not playing.  Instead of heading to Dallas, the Sooners are barely bowl eligible, and I am wondering what bowl will want us.  But no matter what bowl invitation we receive, we need to gratefully accept so we can get those extra practice days.  Because, oh my gosh, do we ever need extra practice!   Eighth in the Big 12!  Ouch!

Jerry and I have had season tickets since the ‘80s, but this year we decided not to renew, and this might have been a good year to let them go.  We have had so many happy memories in Norman, but the late games got too late for us old people.  Even if we left in the fourth quarter we wouldn’t get home until after midnight, and we have church at 8:30 AM on Sundays.  As it turned out, the Sooners were so bad this year most games were at 11:00.  We weren’t ready for prime time.  I guess we could have held on to our seats after all, but ugh!  We are not used to losing our home games so maybe it was just as well.  

Out of all the disappointments life can throw at us, a bad football season is a mere blip on our timeline.  In the end, it won’t matter.  In fact, it might not even matter next year.  But all of us go through disappointing seasons from time to time that do matter.  Maybe you are going through one now.  A prodigal child, a bad diagnosis, a job you hate or a job you just lost.  Maybe the balance in your checking account stays so low you wonder how you will make it.  And it’s Christmas.  Maybe you are experiencing disappointments in a relationship.  A lost friendship, a broken marriage, or an estrangement in the family.  I don’t know what your disappointing season is, but I understand the pain.

I have lived long enough to know two things about disappointing seasons: (1) they don’t last, and (2) what happens to you in life is not nearly as important as what you tell yourself about it.  If you tell yourself that things are horrible and they will never change, you are going to feel depressed and powerless.  There is another way to look at disappointing seasons.  You may be in a rebuilding year.  That word, rebuilding, carries with it hope and self-efficacy.

I remember listening to a talk James Dobson gave on the radio years ago.  I don’t remember the exact topic, but I remember these words.  “Things tend to go the way they are going.   If things are moving in the wrong direction, do whatever it takes to turn them around.”  What do you need to get rid of, and what do you need to keep?  What can you do differently?  What things can you control, and what do you need to surrender.  If you keep on doing the same things, you will keep getting the same results.  If you have been trying something that isn’t working, doing it harder, more frequently, or louder will not change things.  I am sure the coaching staff at OU is evaluating what needs to be changed and what needs to be done better.  That is what you do during a rebuilding year.

Maybe you need to swallow your pride and reach out to that angry friend or family member.  Perhaps it’s time to look for a new job or to acquire some new job skills.  Maybe it’s time to do what you can to rebuild your health.  

Above all, pray.  Ask for wisdom and direction.  I sometimes hear people say, “At least I can pray.” Friend, praying isn’t the least you can do, it’s the most! 

If you are in a disappointing season I challenge you to make 2023 your rebuilding year.  Champions do what it takes to come back.

LOOKING BACK AT AUTUMN

Today I have re-visited an excerpt from my book, Seasons, and brought it up to date.  Even though we are very early in September, the title will make sense as you read on.

 

Looking Back at Autumn.  What a strange title for the beginning of September. This Labor Day weekend has still been as hot as blue blazes here in Oklahoma, and we can only dream of cooler temperatures and falling leaves. But it will come, although not soon enough for me.  So this morning I will drag out my fall decorations and transform my house from summer to autumn.

Autumn has always been my favorite time of year. I like everything about fall: the vivid colors on the trees; the crisp, cool air; the excitement of children going back to school; football games; pumpkin patches.  I can almost smell a cigar box from my grandfather’s drug store filled with a new box of Crayolas and number 2 pencils.  I love it all.  I even enjoy the nights getting a little longer.  Autumn is such a rich season, a season of harvest and plenty.

As I think about the seasons of my life, I realize that my autumn days are winding down.  I would like to think I am in early or mid-autumn, but the reality is that I’m more toward late autumn.  At any rate, winter is coming.  Just as autumn is my favorite season of the calendar year, I think it has been my favorite season of life.

Autumn is a time for reaping what we have sown. I must have sown well, because I have a wonderful family, a career that I enjoy, good friends, and most important, a relationship with God.  Autumn is a time for us to count our blessings and give thanks to our Lord. It is a time to reap the bounty and celebrate.  Did you ever notice how many fairs and festivals there are in the fall?  Something inside us just naturally wants to celebrate the goodness of the life we have been given at this time of year.

But as I write these words, I am aware that autumn is also a time to let go.  Just as the trees lose their leaves in the fall, we begin to experience many losses. From something as vain and trivial as the loss of firm skin, to the profound loss of life, we must let go.

In the autumn years it is time to take stock. What is the legacy we want to leave behind?  Have we accomplished everything we hoped to do?  Are there still items on our bucket lists?  Are we ready for winter?

There are so many rapid changes in autumn.  A tree that was barely changing color a few days ago may be a vibrant orange today.  So it is in the autumn of life.  Change happens quickly.  As I write these words, I think about how many changes Jerry and I have gone through I the past few years.  Life can change so quickly.  A few years ago I didn’t think twice about long days of walking through European towns.  Now I wonder if my knees would let me do another trip.  Jerry was fine one day and gravely ill the next. Two grand children are now married, two are in college, and we only have one grandchild left in elementary school.  Changes.

Autumn is a time for shorter days and longer nights. Some days I feel like I don’t get as much accomplished as I used to.  I go to bed with my unfinished to-do list swirling in my head.  I need more rest than when I was younger.  But I have also learned at this point in my life that some things just don’t matter very much.

While I write, I am watching a squirrel outside my window, working feverishly.  He is probably trying to find a way to get inside my attic so he can stay warm this winter.  Don’t get me started on squirrels!  But I wonder as I watch him, “Have I put away enough for winter?  Have I prepared well?”  Most baby boomers are concerned with their retirement incomes, but preparing for the winter of our lives goes beyond money.  Have I invested enough in my children and grandchildren that they will be with me in winter?  Have I taught them everything I want them to know?  Are there friendships I need to preserve?  Have I taken enough care for my body?  Hopefully I will still need it for a while.  As I watch the animals prepare for winter’s blast, I need to think about how I want to spend the winter of my life.  I would like to age well and exit gracefully.  What will I do with my days?  Can I still make a contribution in the winter of my life?  As I contemplate retirement from my psychology practice, I want to be very intentional about how I spend my time.  I don’t want to fill up every day of the week with activities, however worthwhile those activities may be.  I want some time just to be.

As I ponder these things, I will be grateful for this beautiful early autumn day.  They say we will have rain and cooler temperatures today.  Thank you, Lord!  I will enjoy the bounty of family and friends.  And I will give thanks to the One who provided this good harvest.

Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. Whoever sows to please their flesh, from the flesh will reap destruction; whoever sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.  Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers.  (Galatians6: 7-10 NIV).

 

 

 

THE OPPORTUNITY OF LIFE

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Well it’s another beginning of another year. I’ve been blessed to have experienced quite a few of these new beginnings. As 2017 was winding down I began thinking about 2018. What do I want it to be? What things do I need to accomplish, to finish? My bucket list is getting shorter because I have been fortunate enough to experience most of my dreams. I always try to bring God into these New Year’s thoughts. What is His plan for me this year? What does He have for me? What areas of growth do I need?

I quit making resolutions a few years ago because I’m only so-so at keeping them. So instead I have asked for a word for 2018. And I believe that word for me is health. I need to focus on my health and to take better care of me. It’s not too surprising that health would be on center stage in my life. I’ve been having orthopedic problems since early fall. And since receiving that word, health, new problems have been discovered. God knew before I did that I need to take time for health.

I’m not sure exactly what getting healthy is going to look like. We all know the basics: eat healthier, move more, de-stress. I don’t see myself joining a gym. I did that in another season and it doesn’t particularly interest me know. Maybe some sort of group class? Or maybe just more and longer walks (when I get my legs working).

I sat down to my quiet time this morning wondering where God would direct me. I just finished reading through the Bible again and I’m thinking I should do something else. So I picked up a devotional book my friend Wanda gave me titled A Diary of Private Prayer, by John Baille.  It didn’t take long to get smacked in the face as I began reading the first prayer. The author thanked God for “the great and mysterious opportunity of my life.”

Those words spoke loudly to me. He spoke of life as an opportunity and I guess I never thought of it that way. I have just thought of it as life, being alive. But my life is more than merely being alive; it is an opportunity. And it is a mystery that God would grant me such an opportunity. I wanted to remind myself about the definition of opportunity, even though we all know what it means, so I looked it up. This is what I found: opportunity is a set of circumstances that makes it possible to do something. So life is the gift of mysterious possibilities.

We had a tragedy in our church family a few days ago. Our Youth Pastor’s pregnant wife died suddenly and unexpectedly. The doctors took the baby and tried over several days to save him, but baby Asa never really had the opportunity of life. A baby should have an almost endless array of possibilities ahead of him, but baby Asa did not. How remiss am I if I do not thank God for life.

So at this beginning of 2018, I thank God for the opportunity of life, for the possibilities that lie ahead. Lord, please don’t let me go through this year mindlessly. Open my eyes to see the possibilities you have for me.

You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb. You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed. Psalm 139:15-16 NLT