MEAN GIRLS

This morning as I was driving to work, I was listening to a radio conversation about cyber bullying and the effects it has on our children.  The speaker noted that the smart phones our kids are carrying act as real time barometers of their self esteem.  So I thought it might be time to resurrect a piece I published a while back.  By the way, I never did find Glee.  Glee, if you are out there, please reach out to me.  I want to ask your forgiveness.

 

Sugar and spice and everything nice.  Everyone knows that what little girls are made of, right?  But here’s a dirty little secret that every woman knows deep down in her heart.  Girls also have the capacity to be some of the meanest creatures on earth.  Having been a girl myself, being the mother of three girls and grandmother to seven, I have seen more than my share of mean girls. And I know what it means to be both the perpetrator and the recipient of this type of bullying behavior.

 

Usually this mean girl drama is over by the time we get to be adults.  Hopefully by then we have become secure and comfortable in our own skin.  We don’t have to jab or bully someone else in an attempt to make ourselves feel better about who we are.  We become less clique-ish and more open to accepting people who are different from us. And we no longer feel the need to get even for what we perceive as slights.  But occasionally, mean girls grow up to be mean women.  And sadly they produce mean daughters.

 

Let me tell you an unflattering personal story that has haunted me all my life.  When I was in Jr. High, I had a big slumber party one Friday night.  I invited every girl in our circle of friends…except one, a girl with the pretty name of Glee.  I didn’t think she liked me (She probably had a good reason!), so I was determined that she would be excluded.  It hurt her. I wonder now if I missed an opportunity to get to know her better.  I might have missed out on a real friendship.  I’m so ashamed of my behavior, but I have paid for it over the years.  Every time one of my daughters was slighted in some way, I thought of Glee.  And today, when my granddaughters are bullied or left out, I remember Glee.

 

When I was discussing this topic with my daughter, Amanda, she reminded me how far this mean girl business goes back in history.  All the way to Sarah and Hagar, her maid.  You can read the story in the 16thchapter of Genesis.  They are both guilty of dishing out the meanness, but it culminates with Hagar running away because Sarah mistreats her so badly.  However Hagar cannot run away from God.  While she is in the desert she has an encounter with El Roi, the God who sees. God saw her pain and assured her of His love and care for her.

 

What a comfort when our children or we are being bullied.  God sees.  If you daughter is being harassed or left out, God sees.  If there are mean girls in your office, your neighborhood, your social circle, or even your church, God sees.  Go to Him with your hurts.  But the God who sees is also an admonishment.  We can’t get away with mistreating others.  God sees.  When we are too exclusive, God sees.  By the way, we are still paying for the hostility between Sarah and Hagar today. This mean girl stuff leaves a lasting legacy!

 

Writing these words has made me realize that I have a long overdue apology to make. Thanks to the wonders of the internet, I have located a woman who might be the Glee from my school days.  I have reached out to her for confirmation.  If she indeed is Glee, I intend to tell her how very sorry I am and ask for her forgiveness.

 

She gave this name to the LORD who spoke to her: “You are the God who sees me,” for she said, “I have now seen the One who sees me.”  Genesis 16:13 (NIV).

 

Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.  Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.  Ephesians 4: 31-32 (NIV).

LIGHT: MORE THAN YOU EVER WANTED TO KNOW

We’ve had days and days of cold, dreary weather.  Gray days that drain you of energy and motivation.  At least that is what they are doing to me.  Maybe sometime this summer I will think that I could have spent this time cleaning out closets and organizing photos, but mostly I have just sat in my chair and read.  Where is the sunlight?

 

In the Bible study I attend, we have been studying the book of 1 John.  Maybe it is because I am so light deprived, but I seem to be drawn to John’s description of God as light.  He uses this reference in his epistles as well as the Gospel of John.  “God is light,” (1 John 1:5); “I am the light of the World,” John 8:12.  John also uses light and darkness to contrast truth and lies, good and evil.  On the surface these seem to be pretty elementary truths, but God has been taking me deeper, teaching me about light.

 

I left Bible study the other day thinking about how light can travel, but darkness cannot.  When it is dark in my house, but light outside I can open the shutters and a dark room becomes light.  But the opposite is not true.  If it is dark outside and light inside, opening the shutters will not make the room dark.  It won’t even dilute the light that is there.  So there was my first truth: light can travel into the darkness, but darkness cannot travel to the light.  The rest of that verse in 1 John says that “God is light, and in Him there is no darkness at all.”  God is pure and holy, and the darkness of sin cannot change or corrupt His holiness. But His light can travel and penetrate the darkness of sin.  Remember, dark cannot travel.  When I was in the darkness of sin I had no way to get to the Light on my own.  The Light had to come to me.  And He did that by dying on a cross, bridging that chasm that separated me from the Light.  The Light came and rescued me from the darkness.

 

I’m told I have a weird brain and I guess it is true.  I became more curious about light and did a little research, and if you are not into a lot of technical stuff you might not want to finish reading.  Whew, there is a LOT of information about light available. It is at once simple and complex, obvious and mysterious.  I will try not to put you to sleep.

 

The world “light” appears over 200 times in the Bible, so I’m thinking God wants us to know about it. I found my second truth right away: Light is necessary to sustain life.  I guess you could say I had a light bulb moment (pun intended), because it hit me right away.  God’s first recorded words were, “Let there be light.”  Duh!  As creator and sustainer of life, He knew light was necessary for creation.  Light provides the energy for life to grow and thrive.  When plants are deprived of light they don’t do well and may even die.  Light, by way of photosynthesis, provides the very oxygen we need to breathe.  Many humans become depressed when they go for days without light.  Light is our source of vitamin D and regulates our circadian rhythms.  When I don’t get enough spiritual light, I notice the difference.  I don’t grow and thrive spiritually.  One resource noted that light increases fertility and eases pain. The light of the Lord makes me a more fertile Christian.  When I am getting my daily dose of Light I am more likely to share with others.  And oh how Light eases the pain of living in a fallen world.  I often wonder how non Believers survive.

 

Third truth: Light helps us see.  There is a good deal of neurobiology involving light and vision, but the simple truth is we cannot see without light.  One of my favorite hymns is Be Thou My Vision.  God as Light helps me see things from His perspective.  The Light helps me see people through His eyes. It reveals dangers that are hidden in the darkness and it keeps me from stumbling, from sinning.  Light directs my feet and keeps me on the right path and takes me in the direction He has for my life.

 

Fourth truth: Light purifies.  Light, especially the ultraviolet component, sterilizes. It kills germs and keeps things free from microbes.  The Light (Jesus) cleanses me from the contamination of sin.  Scripture tells us that if we walk in the Light the blood of Jesus cleanses us from all sin (1 John 1:7).

 

Fifth truth: Light allows us to see color.  In darkness we can see no colors because we need light in order to perceive color.  This gets into biophysics, which is a lot of blah, blah, blah to me, but colors have spectra.  Some spectra are absorbed and others are reflected.  The reflected color falls on our eyeballs and sends a signal to the brain, where we perceive color.  I knew there had to be a spiritual application here so I thought about all the colors of God.  If you ever want to do a study on this, a good place to begin is Exodus, where God gives instructions for the tabernacle and the priestly garments.  He instructs the use of specific colors, representing the deity of Christ…gold for His glory and holiness, red for His redeeming blood, purple for His kingship, and silver for redemption.  Once we have the Light (Jesus), we can begin to see God in His fullness.  The Light allows us to see more of who He is.

 

I guess I could go on and on about light, but this is probably enough for now.  If I studied for the rest of my life I could never learn every spiritual truth about light.  That’s because God’s Word is inexhaustible.  When Jesus referred to himself as the Light of the World there was so much truth and power packed into that declaration!  Thank you, Father for sending the Light into our dark world.

 

Light of the world, illumine me.

 

 

Happy…I Mean Holy New Year!

I saw something on Facebook the other day that caught my attention.  It was a challenge to select a person you know, and starting January 1, to pray for their happiness every day for a month.  Sounds like a good idea.  I knew immediately who I would choose.  This person has been through a season of sorrow and she could do with some happiness about now.  And just as quickly, I had another thought.  This one had to be from the Holy Spirit because I could not have come up with this on my own, at least not as quickly.  “Instead of praying for her happiness, pray for her holiness.”  Of course!  That is a much better prayer.  

God is not as concerned with our happiness as He is with our holiness.  If you look at a Bible concordance you will find that the word “holy” is used 650 times in The New American Standard Bible.  I did a quick search and found that “happy’ is used a mere16 times, and the word “happiness” is used only four!  Clearly God is emphasizing holiness.

Now there is nothing wrong with happiness, and I suppose happiness can be defined in many different ways.  I know I am happy when I am surrounded by my family, and as a mom, I am happy when they are happy.  For some people happiness may lie in material possessions: money in the bank, a big house, a fancy car….you can fill in the blank here.  Again there is nothing wrong with nice things, but I see many people in my psychology practice who have all of those things but they are not happy.

For many of us happiness lies in “if only” and the “as soon as.”  If only I had my health I could be happy.  I will be happy as soon as I get that job, find someone to love, graduate and get that degree, lose twenty pounds, and so on.  If only I had more money, a new car, or no mortgage.  We wish our lives away waiting for that thing, person, or situation that will make us happy.  Or we spend our lives looking in the rear view mirror, regretting our choices and blaming our unhappiness on the decisions we made.  I am not saying that is wrong because most of us have regrets. And we are all only one bad decision away from messing up our lives and throwing happiness away.  But defining your happiness or lack thereof on the things we should have done or wish we hadn’t done is a waste.  If only things were different we could be happy.  I’m thinking of two widows I know who miss their husbands every day of their lives.  One has chosen to find joy and purpose, the other cannot find good in anything and is just waiting to die.

Where is God when I am unhappy?  When I grieve, when I hurt?  Doesn’t He care about my needs?  I believe He does, but I also believe His primary concern is for my spiritual needs. God is not some kind of cosmic Santa Claus standing before me to hear my wish list.  Instead, I stand before Him, aware of my utter neediness and spiritual poverty.  Without Christ and the salvation He brings, I have nothing but a death sentence hanging over my head.  Jesus came to bring me right standing with God and everlasting life.  So even if I had nothing more than that (and that is a lot!), I should be happy.  Jesus said He offers abundant life, so shouldn’t that abundance include happiness?

If God cares so much about us, why do we go through seasons of anguish?  Try to get a mental picture of what is making you unhappy, sad, and stricken with grief.  An unhappy marriage, estrangement from a loved one, a financial loss, bad news from the doctor…whatever it is.  Now picture that thing as a giant anvil and imagine God has placed you upon it and is chiseling away everything that does not look like Jesus.  That is holiness in the making!  

Are happiness and holiness mutually exclusive?  In the 1600s a man named Thomas Brookswrote at length about the connection between happiness and holiness.  He claimed that happiness and holiness were one in the same.  That the only way to true happiness is throughholiness.  Matthew Henry later wrote that only those who are truly holy can be truly happy.  When I started thinking about these things, I recalled stories about those who have been imprisoned and martyred for their faith.  The apostle Paul and Corrie and Betsy ten Boom come to mind.  Every December I do advent readings, and those usually include letters Deitrich Bonhoeffer wrote from prison.  In a letter to his beloved Maria he wrote: “I think we’re going to have an exceptionally good Christmas.”  How could he say that from a prison cell?  He knew the happiness of celebrating Christmas with empty hands but a full heart.

Every year at this time I look for a verse or a word to claim for the New Year.  I think my word will be holiness because God keeps brining it to my attention. I’m guessing I will go through another refining period. And as I think of all holiness means I realize I have much to learn.  I’ll keep you posted.

THIS IS NOT A DRILL!

 

Recently the people of Hawaii got the following terrifying emergency alert: ‘BALLISTIC MISSILE THREAT INBOUND TO HAWAII. SEEK IMMEDIATE SHELTER. THIS IS NOT A DRILL. When I heard this on the news I had to wonder. How in the world do you protect yourself from a missile attack, especially if you are living on a small island? Where do you go? Do people in Hawaii have a plan? What about tourists? And what do you do if it’s a nuclear missile? Wouldn’t you have to live in an underground bomb shelter for something like 10,000 years? Please excuse my ignorance about nuclear missiles, but I’m thinking nuclear is synonomous with utter destruction.

I remember seeing a movie years ago called “On the Beach.” It starred Gregory Peck and Ava Gardner (It was a LONG time ago!). In the movie, the world had managed to blow itself up, leaving only Australia as a refuge for the remaining survivors. But there was a cloud of radiation taking aim on Australia, threatening the fate of humanity. I remember there was a sliver of hope, but what I can’t remember is if anyone actually survived. But my plan has always been to get to Australia as quickly as possible. That makes about as much sense as those atomic bomb drills we used to have in school. Right. Getting under my desk and covering my ears was going to save me. But at least those in power could say we had a plan. With a crazy dictator in North Korea and a president who is tweeting “My nuke is bigger than yours,” we are living in scary times. Yet we should not be surprised. We have been warned.

Last December I finished reading through the Bible again. This is something I’ve done multiple times. My thinking is that if God took the time to write this important letter to me, I should read it. It might be important. With current events in mind, the book of Revelation has taken on a new urgency. Actually the entire Bible is full of warnings for us, given to protect and save us. The book of Revelation is the culmination of the history of mankind. It is a warning to believers of the return of our Lord Jesus. We must be ready. It is also a warning that a time of suffering is coming that is greater than any suffering man has ever experienced. Revelation is a final warning to come to Christ before God pours out His wrath in judgment over the earth. It is a picture of Jesus knocking on the door of our hearts, longing to come in and save us. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.

No one knows when the end will be, but the Bible tells us to look at the signs, and there are signs all around. The stage is set. But even if Jesus tarries, we are still warned. Scripture tells us, “Just as people are destined to die once, and after that to face judgment,” Heb. 9:27 (NIV). THIS IS NOT A DRILL. These are two realities, death and judgment. We each have an appointment with death. There is no “if” to this warning, only a “when.” We each have a death date. One day we will die. And the second reality is judgment. We will each be called to make a personal appearance before God. If we have not accepted Jesus as our Savior, the only One who could possibly save us, then we will stand before a righteous God without an attorney, without our Advocate, and without a defense. We will stand in our own puny righteousness that is like a pile of filthy rags in the sight of God. We will be doomed, condemned to full and eternal punishment. Our verdict will be “guilty” and our sentence will be just.

So the warning is “Come!” Come while there is still time. Come while you still may. Come before it is too late. Jesus is not willing for any of us to perish but longs for all of us to repent and turn to Him (2 Peter 3:9). The end is coming. THIS IS NOT A DRILL!

Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me. REV. 3:20 NIV